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2001 - Crucial Conversations

Leadership

Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler

Summary

  1. Learn to manage crucial conversations.
  2. Start with the heart.
  3. Learn to look: notice when safety is at risk.
  4. Make it safe: mutual purpose & mutual respect.
  5. State my path: STATE framework.
  6. Explore others’ paths: AMPP framework.
  7. Share a differing view: ABC framework.
  8. Move to action.
Learn to manage crucial conversations.
  • “A crucial conversation is a discussion between two or more people where the stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong.”
Start with the heart.

  • What do I want/ not want for myself, my team, others, etc.?

  • And how should I behave if I wanted these results?

  • Refuse the fool’s choice (the “either/or” options).

Learn to look: notice when safety is at risk.

  • The problem is not the content of the message but the condition of the conversation.

  • Avoid the silence patterns (masking, avoiding, withholding) and the violence patterns (controlling, labeling, attacking).

  • Look for physical, emotional, behavioral signs, and watch for safety problems.

Make it safe: mutual purpose & mutual respect.

  • You can step out, make it safe, and then step back in.

  • Apologize first, then address their concern, clarify your motives, and confirm the mutual purpose (the shared goal).

  • Create and keep mutual respect.

State my path: STATE framework.

  • Share your facts – first talk about hard evidence, data, observation.

  • Tell your story – share your interpretation, view of the facts.

  • Ask for other’s paths – encourage others to share both their facts and their stories.

  • Talk tentatively – state your story as a story, don’t make it conclusive.

  • Encourage testing – invite others to confirm or express differing or opposing views.

Explore others’ paths: AMPP framework.

  • Ask to get things rolling – e.g., “I’d like to hear your opinion on this.”

  • Mirror to confirm feelings – e.g., “you say you’re okay, but the tone of your voice, you seem upset.”

  • Paraphrase to acknowledge the story.

  • Prime when you’re getting nowhere – e.g., “I believe you may be upset because … “

Share a differing view: ABC framework.

  • Agree – while you need to work through disagreements, start with an area of agreement.

  • Build – build when others leave out key pieces. e.g., “Absolutely. Besides, I noticed that …”

  • Compare – compare two views. “I think I see things differently. Let me describe how.”

Move to action.

  • Come to consensus, drive commitment (who does what by when), and follow up.

  • Use decision-making tools effectively: Command, Consult, Vote, and Consensus.